I have never in 48 years taken a trip with no other purpose than connecting with myself. Yes, I have gone to classes and spent nights away from my family. I've had plenty of work trips that took me across the pond for a few nights. And, I even spent one extra night by myself in Hawaii...but let's be honest, I was recuperating from my husband's 50th birthday party where I pretty much managed everyone and everything. (don't tell the guests that or Alex because he'd say he did a lot and everyone helped...but let's be honest an entire house of rotating guests for 8 days was EXHAUSTING and NOT in the least bit relaxing for me!) I digress.
This week, however, I reserved a little cabin in the woods for 2 nights of me time.
As I drove out of Tahoe City, towards Sierraville (only an hour away), I felt giddy. I felt anxious and a bit nervous. I felt happy and content. I felt calm. I felt a few layers gently roll off my shoulders and I could breathe a touch easier.
When I arrived at my adorable little cozy cabin in the woods, I felt special. I felt special. And, as I type this now, I actually get a bit weepy. What exactly does "special" mean in this context...well, I felt important. I felt my needs take the front seat. And, that realization was peaceful and healing. Even before I "did" anything, I knew that I was putting myself, my needs, my desires, and my feelings at the forefront of my mind. No one else to think about. No one else to be more important.
I unpacked slowly. Saged the space. Lit the fire. Set up my diffuser. Made a cup of tea.
I put on a warm coat and grabbed my mug. I walked a ways along the stream through the woods. The magical gurgling of the crisp water made my ears happy. It had so much to say. I sat next to it and meditated for a long time.
The bear energy came to me. A strong energy that wanted me to honor its place on the land. It reminded me to take the time to hibernate and let ideas grow. The bear reminded me that growth takes time. I hadn't been giving myself time. Yes, I give many others time, but I hadn't given myself the grace of time to grow and foster and tend to those things that fed my soul, my creativity, my light.
I tried to honor the bear this weekend. I honored the bear within myself. We use the phrase "Mama Bear" frequently on this journey of parenting. Do we give ourselves the protective, nurturing, mothering love the bear gives her cubs? Do we give ourselves the protective, nurturing, mothering love we give our children? Do you?
Today, if you can, think of something that needs your Mama Bear energy! Something for YOU! And, then, gracefully, allow that need to hibernate and get warm and grow.
XO
Jen
